rusty is
a prick
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ESG&EC NRL Tipping Ponzi Scheme No.1
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Celebrating Years Of Resch's Enhanced Sporting Excellence
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2019 SPORTS CALENDAR
EARLWOOD TIME
VALE GAZ PHILLIPS
August 5, 2019. The club received news this morning of the sudden death of UK-based tipster and past ESG&EC member Gary Phillips. Gaz suffered a heart attack during a social cricket match and was unable to be revived.
This is a very recent photo of Gaz (middle) borrowed from the Pudsey St Lawrence Cricket Club website. He's with brother-in-law John McGovern (hat), his niece Frances and sister, Lyn McGovern.
Our deepest condolences to Tracy and Liam on the loss of a loving husband and father and to all his family and friends.
Vale Gaz - a great friend to many on these shores.
TENTATIVE DATE SET FOR 2020 WORLD SERIES
August 1, 2019. Shelly Beach has been provisionally booked for Friday, May 22, as the first step in the planning jigsaw for World Series XXXII. An email has been forwarded to all members seeking feedback on the preferred playing schedule of Monday, May 18 to Friday, May 22.
And following the shocking revelations of money laundering and human trafficking revealed in the Federal Parliament over recent days, the club is officially distancing itself from junket operator Blue Sheedy who has aligned his business activities with the popular week-long sporting festival.
Of particular concern for authorities is the allegation an illegal casino has been operating from inside his rented luxurious waterfront apartment. The media-shy entrepreneur has been accused of luring drunken and weary high-rollers back to his apartment with the promise of "wine, men and song" plus a few tasty morsels like cheese and crackers, chocolate bullets and salted peanuts.
Sheedy, presently on his annual winter caravan junket meeting other like-minded high rollers around Far North Queensland, was contacted but declined to comment as he was in the middle of a winner take all poker game with indigenous elder, Auntie Nookie, for a Coles $30 food voucher.
NEWTOWN JETS REUNION DAY SATURDAY AUGUST 31
July 31, 2019. Newtown's final home game of the season against the Newcastle Knights doubles as the Jets (and Bluebags) official reunion day.
A dwindling number of the stars from the 60's, 70's and 80's will be there - or at least those who:
a)
reside in a nursing home with a courtesy bus;
b) nearing the end of their custodial sentence, have been granted weekend release;
and/or
c) are still on the run from authorities.
The ESG&EC is always well represented at this annual gathering, meeting at hipster heaven, the Henson Park Hotel (pictured), for a pre-game aperitif and watching the match (3pm kick-off) from the Lee Harvey Oswald grassy knoll adjacent to the King George V Memorial Grandstand and kiosk.
The Jets have only one other home game before Reunion Day. On Saturday, August 24, they play the Wests Magpies for the Tom Raudonikis Cup (12.45pm start).
DATES CONFIRMED FOR MATCH PLAY XXXI
July 25, 2019. President Love has confirmed dates for the 2019 Match Play CHampionship.
The tournament will start on Sunday, November 10 (the first weekend after the Melbourne Cup) with the Don Lane Invitational Qualifier and run for three consecutive Sundays, concluding with The Championship Match on Sunday, November 24. Each Sunday has a noon tee-time.
The President is aware the Bong Bong Cup is on the Friday prior to the final and is prepared to make reasonable allowances for any member of the Bong Bong 6 who reaches the semi-finals.
CLUB DENIES RESPONSIBILITY FOR ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER (Part 1)
May 20, 2019. ESG&EC officials have been questioned by Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) investigators over the befoulment of Budgewoi Lake last Thursday. Even at this early stage, the situation has been described by authorities as a looming ecological disaster.
The EPA has identified an area just out of bounds on the 14th hole of Toukley golf course as the sole source of the contamination, a spot where human stool types 6 and 7 were found in abundance, along with a few soiled baby wipes and some discarded imodium packaging.
Investigators surmise there maybe some interlaced toilets sheets yet to be uncovered in the surrounding areas although they remain perplexed as to why any individual would attempt to smuggle used toilet paper from the heavily polluted scene.
story continues in Part 2 ...
CLUB DENIES RESPONSIBILITY FOR ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER (Part 2)
May 20, 2019. A despondent EPA spokesman said, "What we are truly struggling with is the absolute indifference shown towards this pristine waterway and it's marine life. Can you believe it? Not more than a 100 metres away from where we stand is an on course toilet !"
Earlier the same day, police cordoned off a 10 metre exclusion zone around the mens toilet next to the Toukley pro shop after the discovery of a bubbling faecal time bomb. After using industrial fans to disperse the sickening fumes, a fully-kitted Hazmat team (pictured) was eventually able to enter the crapper to decontaminate and breakdown the human waste through a combination of chemical retardant and 30 or so flushes from a high pressure hydrojet power washer.
Authorities contacted the club after reports suggested our members were playing a turd round that day but they've since been assured it was just a regular Day 3 of the World Series. The club is fully co-operating as the search for the culprit, one very sick hombre indeed, continues.
CLUB FINANCIAL STATEMENT POST 2019 WORLD SERIES
May 19, 2019. The club has released it's latest audited post-tournament accounts.
Balance Pre World Series - $1,924.85 (included $200 deposit with Shelly Beach for 2019)
WS Revenue - $7,390 (16 players + 2 tourists)
WS Expenses - $6,460.03 (course costs 3032, golf extras - ids, balls, shirts 1106.13, milestones 100, prizemoney 1450, hospitality - tues lunch, wed lunch, fri bar tab, beercoins 771.90)
Tournament Profit - $929.97
Balance Post World Series - $2,854.82 (includes $200 deposit with Shelly Beach for 2020)
Davidson Love III
Club President & Auditor
LOVE CONQUERS ALL
May 17, 2019. After a near 25 year drought, Club President Davidson Love III (pictured) has now strung together 3 World Series of Golf victories (2013, 2014 and 2019) in his past 6 starts.
Love finished on 6pts with wins in Monday's teams match play (paired with Notah Kelly) and Tuesday's stableford aggregate (partnered with Hunter Meehan) and seconds in the individual stableford (29pts) and stroke events (net 82).
Shire resident Hunter Meehan showed a welcome return to form with only his second podium finish in the past 15 starts. Meehan's results were a 2 & 1 loss in the teams match play (Rich Kent), a win in the stableford aggreagte (Love), a fourth and fifth in the individual events to finish on 13pts.
Brookvale Oval NRL interchange official Peard Fulke rounded out the placings on 16pts after a win in the teams match play (Romero), a fourth in the stableford aggregate (Strange), and a third and eighth in the individual events.
CLUB FINANCIAL STATEMENT POST 2018 MATCH PLAY
November 26, 2018. The club has released it's latest audited post-tournament accounts.
Balance Pre Match Play - $3,138.85
MP Revenue - $1,190 (17 players)
MP Expenses - $2,404 (green fees 978, prizemoney 700, milestones 200, hospitality 526)
Tournament Loss - $1,214
Balance Post Match Play - $1,924.85 (includes $200 deposit with Shelly Beach for 2019)
Davidson Love III
Club President & Auditor
CRENSHAW WINS 2018 THE PINNACLE
November 25, 2018. Kenny Crenshaw (pictured) won his second match play title after defeating Notah Kelly 5 & 4 in The Pinnacle's championship match. The final never reached any great heights after Crenshaw cruised to a lead of 4 up after only 7 holes.
So complete and one-sided was the victory, former President Seve Hemosteros left the presentation area early to attend the Sydney FC v Melbourne Victory soccer match. "It couldn't be any worse than the crap served up today," opined the harsh critic of the club's playing standard.
Crenshaw's win comes on the back of a remarkable run - this was his third consecutive final. He played off 9 when he lost to Grantief Goosen (2015), 6 when he lost to Java Haas (2017) and 3 in this year's final. His 2019 handicap, +2, reflects that success.
EARLWOOD STOCK EXCHANGE
Beercoin's listed price is underpinned by the cost of a schooner (425ml) of Resch's served in the public bar of The Entrance Hotel during the World Series of Golf (1 schooner = 1 Beercoin). In the 12 months to May 2019, Beercoin's market capitalisation rose 4.5% to $1,035. Hover or tap Beercoin image to enlarge.
JAVA TOURNAMENT CLOCK
MARCH - NRL TIPPING COMP
This site hosts Per-Ulrik Fatcatsson's annual NRL Tipping Competition, "A Competition With A Difference", which for $80 guarantees participants 25 bouts of weekly angst and untold international accliam to the winner, as well as a financial reward best described as life unchanging.
Mid-August with just 3 weeks to go, a condensed leaderboard has Karen Escott (284 pts) out in front from last year's winner Chris Ryan (283) with Neil Taylor (282), BJ Malone (281), Geoff Clay and Tony Harris (280) all inside the prizemoney "bubble".
MAY - LOVE CONQUERS ALL TO POST THIRD WORLD SERIES OF GOLF VICTORY
After a near 25 year drought, Club President Davidson Love III has strung together 3 World Series victories (2013, 2014 and 2019) in his past 6 starts. Critics of the Love regime have suggested when you control the schedule, the events, handicaps, playing partners, finances and even the weather you should own the tournament and it's becoming quite obvious he does.
Love finished on 6pts with wins in Monday's teams match play (played with Notah Kelly) and Tuesday's stableford aggregate (partnered with Hunter Meehan) and seconds in the individual stableford (29pts) and stroke events (net 82).
MAY - THE "T" BROTHERS, TUBBY AND TRENT, WIN EUCHRE WORLD SERIES
The knockout tournament was played at The Entrance Hotel Euchredome during the week-long '31 Unlucky For Some Tour' and began with the all important draw for partners conducted by "Six Card" Sheedy B.Eu (Hons), the Earlwood Euchre University's professor emeritus. 16 players, 8 teams, 1 winner - the team of Tubby Waldorf & Trent Strange who in a stunning upset defeated self-acknowledged cardmasters Per-Ulrik Fatcatsson & "Six Card" Sheedy 2 & 1.
NOVEMBER - MATCH PLAY CHAMPIONSHIP
The opening round will be held on Sunday, November 10, with the first group off the tee at midday. Players must report to the starter 30 minutes beforehand with a schooner and their 1. $100 entry fee in hand. Unless we have exactly 16 competitors, The Don Lane Invitational (a stroke event in 2019) will determine the 8 qualifiers seeded through to the match play Round of 8 at midday on Heckle Sunday, November 17.
The semi-final matches are by default set down for the following 2. Friday afternoon, November 22, unless both players and President Love III (Ret.) agree to a change. The tournament concludes with the Championship Match on Sunday, November 24 (midday start).
1. Covers all tournament green fees
2. President Love has decreed that should a member of the Bong Bong 6 reach the semi-finals, their match would be by default played earlier in the week (Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday) as they'll be mingling with Southern Highlands High Society on Thursday and Friday
